My Mom

When you lose a parent or a loved one time seems to stand still. My 92-year old Mother passed away the day before Thanksgiving and it feels like the Christmas season has begun without me. I'm going to try to catch up very soon, but grieving doesn't have a timetable, ask anyone.

If you are reading this blog and know me personally then you know my Mother has been a role model for many of my behaviors (good and not so good). She shaped and encouraged an entire family of gardeners - from my three siblings to their spouses, children and countless cousins. Most of my aunts and uncles planted seeds and tended flowers during their lives. My remaining Aunt Jo, given name Mary Ruth, gardened for years in Billings, having worked at a popular garden center before retirement. Customers sought her out for her plant and planting wisdom. She's 94 and the last remaining sibling of ten, my Mother was the youngest. Aunt Pat (Pauline) died just a few years ago at age 100. 

Mom and Me, windy-bad hair day! Easter 2014

Why all the male sounding monikers for my aunts? According to all seven aunts, my grandfather was hoping for more boys, but they only had three, so he decided to give them all (or most) male sounding nicknames. I'm not sure if that would be politically correct today, but it worked in the early part of the twentieth century when Sherman and Emma were starting their family. My Mom was called 'Dickie,' another aunt was named 'Kelly.' I already mentioned Aunt Jo and Aunt Pat. The eldest, Florence became known as 'Sister,' probably because she was the first born and they didn't know how many girls were ahead. Her role in the family was being the big "sister" who helped my grandparents raise the younger kids. 

I think grief sharpens our memories to help us cope and keep loved ones close. I'll miss the Sunday afternoon phone calls when we mostly talked about the weather, always back to gardening, don't you know. My frantic call near the holidays to ask for the special ingredient in the green bean casserole - there really isn't one, unless Velveeta is considered special. How deep are potato seeds planted? I already miss the December goody package of her delicious peanut brittle, which I always shared with others, especially my father-in-law who looked forward to it as much as me. Her Christmas gifts for many years have been a Montana imprinted shirt, tote or something clever and useful like an embroidered oven mitt. She ordered them from my older brother who owns a small embroidery and pack/mail business. 

Days ago while clearing her house I came across a bright purple bag containing some pretty holiday themed silky women's scarves. I had no idea why she put them in the place I was emptying - the antique buffet cupboard near the dining room table. My brother told me she had recently purchased them for my sister and me for Christmas, having run out of time or ideas of something to order from Paul's shop. My Mom was tired, not well, and most likely in the know of what was happening to her health. 

My Mother was a doer, she completed any task she set her mind to doing. Add the no nonsense approach and attitude and you'll get the full picture of her personality. My husband says she didn't suffer fools gladly. Per my brother's observation, our family was a very early example of the latch-key generations to follow. Both parents worked to provide a home and support four children. Mom stayed home with my older brothers and sister until I started first grade (there wasn't kindergarten back then). When I turned six she went back to practicing nursing, working the seven to three shift in order to be home when I got home from school. She fixed dinner every night and did all the motherly chores we all know. My Dad was helpful and a loving Father, but back then married roles were clearly defined and followed.

Before we both left town my sister and I visited the hospice home where she died since we weren't present at the time of her death. We wanted to meet the nurse and let her know how thankful we were for her care of our Mom. She hugged us first (tightly) and then told us how our Mother knew all the ins and outs of hospice care (she volunteered for them for ten years), and had been a lifelong nurse. Vickie described Mom as being no nonsense, of course my sister and I nodded in agreement. Lee, my sister was quick to add that "it was great that she was no nonsense, unless you lived with it full time!" We all laughed - a respectful laugh.

Mom's Primroses

In addition to gardening she loved to read and was part of an active book club with her church friends right up to the end of her life. She was part of the volunteer church group who made sandwiches for homeless shelters in Billings. 

She enjoyed decorating her south facing bay window with seasonal scenes so passing walkers could admire and enjoy. She loved old classic movies and PBS programs like 'As Time Goes By,' 'Ann of Green Gables' and 'Downton Abbey.' Her love of music included Pavarotti, Louis Armstrong, Roy Orbison and Christmas music. 'Joy to the World' was her favorite. And musicals - 'Oklahoma,' 'My Fair Lady' and The Sound of Music' to name her top must watches. My parents always had a dog with a great yard to play. Her very old, yet still happy, mixed-breed dog Toby was put down just a week prior to her death. 

Mom wanted to die at home, she almost got her wish. She spent just a few hours in the hospital emergency room early Sunday morning before Thanksgiving. She told the hospital staff and my two brothers that she wanted to go to the hospice home immediately. Tom, my brother took her to her house, they had some soup and gathered a few of her belongings. We talked Sunday evening on the phone and I told her that I loved her, she died just three days later peacefully in her sleep, out of pain from slow growing lung cancer.

Ever Happy Toby!

My hope is that as we inch toward a New Year and then spring, I'll be refreshed and renewed to begin a new gardening season. I know my Mom would have planted her geranium slips outside in May and enjoyed seeing the first blooms on her roses. Her favorite plants were primroses and hybrid tea roses - 'Double Delight,' 'Chrysler Imperial,' and 'Peace.' 

She also enjoyed her bougainvillea, Christmas cactus and several indoor plants. Her ficus and jade plants were giants and loved her east facing sunny window. Mom looked forward to spring tulips, summer zinnias and homegrown vegetables. She grew peas and potatoes, hoping to enjoy creamed early potatoes and peas by the fourth of July. She canned tomatoes, peaches and cherries, a task she mastered early in a large family that survived on home farming and selling chicken eggs.

From the King James Bible - Ecclesiastes 3:2 

"A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant, 

and a time to pluck up that which was planted."